Hello!

I went on a trip with my sister and my mother. As a child, my parents wouldn't listen to me and I often had an impression that I wasn't heard enough 

and they were even suspicious of me. I had difficulties with making friends with other children and had depressive feelings and lethargy feeling 

lacking care and trust. I would stay alone a lot and felt trapped. I sometimes had suicidal ideation but I didn't know why. 

I didn't dare to confront parents to solve the issue and just endured the whole time. 

My mother is over 80, and my sister is in her 50s. I feel sad to realize that my mother had suffered from post traumatic stress all these years, 

and she put all her energy to raise my sister and me, which had negatively affected us, especially my sister. Now, I understand why my sister's life looked 

so unhappy to me.  I feel that all my rage and wounds are melted and I have solved the problem which I had for so long inside me eventually. 

I didn't have any normal standard to refer to since  I was with people who already had psychological disorders.  

I didn't even realize that my husband had relationship addiction soon enough. I tried to talk reason with him and appealed with tears to no avail. 

My wounds grew and grew, and I felt I was left alone in the world. I just endured thinking that life was just like that and gave up everything. 

Now I understand why I should not pay attention to my husband, who has a psychological disorder and I shouldn't expect anything rational from him. 

His being warm and sweet is only momentary, and I cannot get out of the pain forever when I trust him and have hope for his normalcy. 

I feel quite empty to learn that it took decades to realize this fact, but I am grateful that I understand how our minds operate. 

All those years will become happy memories when I build happiness ability. 

I watch the Live Forum of Infidelity everyday. 

I have watched 25 videos so far. I wish I could attend the actual forum but I am doing my best for my treatment. 

It is hard to admit that my husband has psychological problems, but I know at least I have to have healthy psychology to protect my children.  

I try to do therapeutic tasks, but I feel awkward and it is not easy not to pay attention to my husband. 

These days, I don't want to exercise. 

I will do my best until I build happiness ability.  

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